A Menagerie of Misfortunes

Two of our absolute favourite April Fools competition submissions. Read on at your own risk.

The (Bloody) Morning After Disaster

Back when I was single a couple of years ago I was dating around (did a lot of sex on the first date because why not 🤷🏻‍♀️) and I went on a date with this gorgeous guy who was about 10 years older than me. We had an awesome date and we’d already planned for me to stay at his house afterwards, so back we went under the pretence of watching a film (🙄).

I’d forgotten to tell him that I was on my period beforehand, so when it came down to doing the deed I pretended that I had just come on instead of being on it for the previous 2 weeks or so (heavy periods 🤦🏻‍♀️) but he said he wasn’t bothered and put a towel down underneath me.

We did the (very good) nasty and then turned out the lights and went to sleep. When we woke up in the morning, there was a little bit of blood on the sheets, which he said he didn’t care about.

All of a sudden he looked up at the wall behind the bed and gasped...

...while we’d been having sex, he’d got some of my period blood on his hands and then had proceeded to get bloody handprints all over the wall.

He was lovely about it and I offered to help clean/repaint the wall but he said he would sort it, I met my now-boyfriend on tinder a few days later and never saw this guy again, I always wonder if he remembers me and the bloody handprints 😂

The Accidental Office Flasher

So I was working in an office and I was wearing a dungaree style dress and I went to the tea point to make a coffee in the morning (as you do). I was just minding my own business and one of the guys in my team came up behind me and was being really awkward, and he was like…

“Erm…you have a rip in your dress.”

…And I was like, “Huh?”

And he was awkwardly pointing at my bum and I turn to look and the WHOLE THING is ripped up the back and my bum is just fully out on the office floor 🤦‍♀️ and he was really nice and not weird about it and said;

“Do you want me to get ur coat??”.

So he got my coat and ran to Primark and bought a new dress 🤣🤣.

But yeah, a very awkward pre 9am situation.